Confessions of a Hose Dragger…
The leaves are falling so let the games begin. And they have! One only has to go outside and listen to the seasonal assault taking place this time of year so our yards, neighborhoods and townships remain free from all this horrible botanical debris. Chain saws are buzzing, chipper-shredders are whining and the inevitable leaf-blowers are roaring like urban lions in search of a kill. It’s obnoxious. I usually take a quieter approach…gently raking and raking and raking, hand stuffing bags and bags and bags of brightly colored leaves that cover the lawn. This year however I found myself presented with a new dilemma…a three-car driveway along side an expanse of rock mulch both absolutely covered in festive yellow aspen leaves. Armed with my sad arsenal consisting of a rake, a broom and a dustpan, I contemplated the job at hand. Energy was lacking. I obviously needed better weapons. I acquiesced. The shame of it all! I did the unimaginable! After 26 years of marriage, I asked my spouse to show me how to use the leaf blower. Please don’t think less of me!
Now, in years past while driving about, I have noticed that primarily all leaf blowing activity is done by those of the male persuasion. Hmmm…interesting…I mean, it’s 2018, let’s get with it ladies! We can do this! After a brief, so very brief instruction…almost like he didn’t want me to have the information…I was reluctantly given custody of the leaf blower. Now, just to give you a little background history of my experience using power garden equipment…and let me be upfront about this…I am not allowed to use the string trimmer and I absolutely understand the reasoning behind this. You see, there was an “incident” After a brief, so very brief instruction…almost like he didn’t want me to have the information…I commandeered the string trimmer and off we merrily went quickly taking down an entire row of lovely Corsican violets. However, that was years ago. The violets have regrown. I am confident and undaunted!
So, after making sure the 6,000 or so feet of electrical cord was unfettered and firmly attached to the leaf blower, I hesitantly donned an attractive pair of sound reducing headphones, then I flipped the switch. Wheeeeeeeeeeee! I had no idea! I don’t think men want us to know just how much fun a leaf blower can be. Variable speeds. Nice. I went though all of them in about 5 seconds. Leaves were shooting up astonishingly high. I was all powerful. I was the wind. And just like the wind, leaves were flying every which way. I will share with you that a novice leaf blower trying to corral a bunch of pesky leaves into one neat pile is a kin to herding cats. I have new respect for those who have mastered the art of blowing leaves…and yes, it is an art! I blew and blew and blew this way and that creating a magnificent dust cloud that could likely be seen from space while at the same time managing to tangle the electrical cord into an unruly mess. It was great fun and eventually I got the hang of it enough to get the leaves gathered into something that so very slightly resembled a pile…I was so proud! There is no stopping me now, I may hire out!
The next step in the seasonal process of leaf removal is to get those pesky leaves out of your life…
I went with my neighbor yesterday to the Martin Street leaf and branch drop-off and was amazed at the bevy of activity occurring there. After turning the bend from the check-in station, you are greeted by a tsunami-like wall of cast-off autumn debris created by the good denizens of Longmont. Breathtaking! Then attentions turn to the weather-panicked individuals driving all manner of vehicles, each jockeying for a prime spot to purge their carefully collected booty. We were immediately victorious in this quest, mostly due to my neighbor’s impressive backing skills – especially with a trailer attached. Such fun! Plastic bags were unloaded, untied with the contents flung to the four winds. The grand finale featured a quick tug from a rope attached to a hidden tarp under the unfettered leaves, and with a grand whoosh, the entire trailer was set free of its contents. Spectacular! Job well done! Sigh…unfortunately, our triumph was short-lived because while we were gone, Mom Nature, in her infinite yet sometimes not understood wisdom, decided to send her good buddy the wind to bring an entire new crop of autumn down on all our lawns. Ha! This turn of events only means that we get to visit Martin Street again! I can’t wait! Where’s that leaf blower!? Game on!
May the all your leaves end up in the neighbor’s yard!